


The Difference Between Now and Then

by alia_lee



Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Character Death, Lee Taemin / Park Jimin (current), M/M, happy-ish ending, time jumps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:23:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alia_lee/pseuds/alia_lee
Summary: Three years change a lot between now and then. Park Jimin, the father of Min Chaerin, has seemingly lived two very separate and different lives in the span of just three years.





	1. 1

            The clock was ticking closer and closer to that six am wakeup call but his eyes had never felt more open. Chaerin had been crying most of the night with an upset stomach from taking after Yoongi’s affinity for a sensitive digestive track. Her little wails had been going most of the night and this time Yoongi had gotten up with her. She had only come home two or three weeks ago and they’d been going on little to no sleep since then. Before his alarm sounds and wakes the potentially sleeping baby, Jimin shuts it off and stumbles toward the bathroom to get prepared to go into the studio for the day.

            His muscles were sore from being so overworked without proper rest but he had an entire class of twenty-something kids to teach today and they already didn’t respect him as much as they should because he was only a year or two older than some of them. He remembers the day that Chaerin had been left at their doorstep. She was only a few months old and there was a folder full of papers in her diaper bag. There had been a period right before they had gotten together, where they were still toeing the line of something a bit more than friendship. That had been just over a year before they had received the crying bundle of baby. Their life had not been the same since. Thankfully, Jimin had taken on a teaching job at the University of the Arts in Daegu and was now steadily teaching several classes instead of dancing for the national ballet as he had been since he was only eight.

            Yoongi only had to go back and forth to Seoul a few times a month to hand in his productions and he wouldn’t be having a comeback for a few more months so they ad some time. Still, the lack of sleeping was getting to him as well as Yoongi. Their schedules were already so hectic, Jimin cannot imagine doing this all during Yoongi’s comeback and during a tour after that comeback. Right now, all he could think about as he splashed water on his face was how Chaerin was finally sleeping and that hopefully, she’d stay that way for Yoongi for a while so the older could get some work done before Jimin returned home from the studio.

            Yoongi is leaning against the doorway staring at him with tired eyes as he dries off his face. The pretty cat-like curves of his dark eyes are still as heartachingly gorgeous as they had been when they were little kids playing on the school playground in Busan. Yoongi’s long fingers cup his cheeks and wipe away a few stray water drops that he had missed with the towel before pressing a loving kiss to his lips.

            Kissing Yoongi always made his breath catch in the back of his throat before it was always to tender and full of love. “It’s gonna be okay Jiminie.” Yoongi brings him into a tight hug in the middle of their little bathroom that had been nearly destroyed just last night when they bathed the little demon that they now called their child. “It won’t be like this for long Jiminie. One day we’ll probably even laugh at how terrible we were when we first got her. I promise that this phase will fly by. So, baby just keep holding on okay? We’ll make things work.”

            Yoongi presses another warm kiss to his mouth and Jimin cannot help but smile happily up at his hyung. He knows that one day they’re going to look back at these times and smile in sadness because she’ll have already grown up and she wouldn’t need them anymore. One day she’s going to be the twenty-something kid that’s going off into the world to make her mark and they're going to be the old people who once had an influence on a generation of people.

            “Let’s go get some coffees and I’ll make breakfast before I leave hyung!” Jimin wraps a tight hand around Yoongi’s wrist and tugs him happily out of the small bathroom.  Yoongi tugs him slightly backward and offers him a short grin before tilting his head down and capturing his lips one more time. “Hyung?”

            “Ah, I’m already fully on my sweet Jiminie’s kisses!”


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every other chapter will be three years or so in the future.

            Jimin runs a long-tired hand down his face before moving forward and grabbing a bottle of water near the mirrors. “No, you’ve got to turn your hand in following the movement of your middle finger. No, the other way!” Jimin moves toward the skinny dark-haired boy on the left side of the room struggling with the hand movements that they were trying to perfect for their debut. Jimin cannot help but feel somewhat frustrated with them because they had been going over this for a few days now. He alters the movements one more time and then has them line back up to begin the dance just once more time. When they get most of it perfectly He smiles happily and runs a hand through his freshly dyed blonde locks. At twenty-six he was starting to feel like he was too old for all of this.

            “Alright get out for the day you’re done. Come back tomorrow with fresh legs!”

            They hyper group of teens nearly run out of the room leaving him to his devices for a long moment. He knows that the other two choreographers would not be done with their groups for a few more minutes and that he had a second to call home and check in. “Ah, Chiminie! How’s everything going? Are you almost done for the day or just on a break?” Jimin almost smiles at the sound of his best friend’s bright voice. It is deceptively quiet in the background but that could be from the late hour.

            “Ah, I’m almost done. Just sent the brats out the door a few seconds ago. Is she asleep already or just being really quiet?” Taehyung chuckles softly before affirming that the little girl was actually asleep this time and not watching television as she had been trying to do lately to wait up for Jimin. “I’m sorry it’s so late Tae.”

            “Nah, don’t worry about it Chim. Kookie’s out of the country right now so we can really only video chat in the morning so I’ve got nothing better to do.” Taehyung chuckles quietly into the phone. Jimin hears the tea kettle go off from the other line and knows that Taehyung his winding down as well. ‘You know I love my little fluffball.”

            “I know Tae. Just, it won’t be like this for too much longer. After their debut, I’ll have a week or two off to spend at home before getting back to my normal work schedule.” The late nights at work had been stressing not only him our but also Chaerin and that’s not what he wanted. They’d just settled in here in Seoul. He didn’t need to upset her any more than necessary. “Ah, Tae I’ve got to go I can hear the hyung’s finishing up their lessons now. I’ll see you when I get home. And make sure she’s actually in bed this time. No sofa or her back will hurt for classes!”

            Jimin hangs up as Taehyung chuckles at his nagging just as his two hyungs come in the room looking for him. At first, Jimin had been almost certain that the two were a thing until Kai had been caught with one of the vocal coaches by a few of the dancers and Jimin heard about it. Taemin had teased the other endlessly for being outed in such a way. As it turned out Kai and Taemin had been best friends for almost as long as Jimin and Taehyung and they had grown up dancing together in Seoul just like Jimin had grown up together with Taehyung.

            “Jimin-ah! How was your practice today?” Kai tosses a slightly dewy arm across Jimin’s shoulder just as he finished tucking his phone into his bag. The pair of choreographers had taken an instant liking to Jimin when he first started here after one of his hyungs offered him a job working in the same company as him. His hyung was fairly well known in the industry as a fashion designer and worked hand in hand with the owner of the company for most of the idol’s outfits so he could get the younger boy in as a choreographer much quicker. Jimin’s impressive skills and resume would get him the job no doubt. “Have they been loosening up a bit before their debut or are they still struggling?”

            The small group of just six boys that Jimin was working with had struggled at first to get used to having such a young choreographer but they quickly grew close to the younger male and listened to him acknowledging his vast knowledge of dance. When Jimin first started working here others had wondered if he would even be a good teaching considering most saw him as nothing more than a ballerina and not a hip-hop artist.

            “Ah, they’re getting along. The maknae is still struggling with the right-hand movement but he’ll get it. He’s not trained to see even his fingers as a significant part of the dance. They’ll be ready though, I can feel it.”

            Kai nods softly and ruffled Jimin’s slightly damp hair as Taemin leans against the mirrors to Jimin's other side. “Jimin-ah we’re going out for drinks together. You should come out with us.” Taemin had this sensuality that drew Jimin to him. He was a dancer and had danced for forever. He was not trained in classical ballet and jazz like Jimin and Kai were but he had dabbled in a little bit of everything.

            “Ah, I wish I could hyungs but I’ve got to get home. It’s already late and I have an early day tomorrow.” Jimin bows politely and gathers his things praying that Chaerin doesn’t wake up exceptionally early like she had been taking to lately. “I’m really sorry. Maybe next time!”


	3. 3

            The daycare was a new idea on Yoongi’s part now that they had gotten a little more stead. With Yoongi’s comeback right around the corner and Jimin’s job becoming a bit more demanding since he started taking on extra lessons to train children who wanted to audition for idol agencies. The school was right around the corner from the studios that Jimin taught in and equally as close to the usual studio that Yoongi rented out to make his music. The teachers also seemed overly nice and understanding of their situation. Most they didn’t tell about their relationship only that Yoogi was her father and Jimin her god-father and Yoongi’s best friend. Someone had asked once about her mother and Jimi had very bluntly replied that her mother was a flake and was better left out of the picture. That was still at a point in time where Chaerin called Jimin Umma thankfully that was over with now.

            Chaerin was clinging tightly to Jimin’s pant leg and little tears were gathering in the corners of her eyes. She was only about two now but she was exceptionally smart for her age. Yoongi was in Seoul for the week and wouldn’t be back until Friday so Jimin was the one stuck taking their little girl to and from her daycare for the first time. She had crawled sleepily into their bed last night and clung onto him tightly.

            Her teacher smiles politely and helps extract her from Jimin’s leg. The teacher smiles politely once again and places a comforting arm on his shoulder. The woman had a bright sunny smile this time. Jimin bids her goodbye and holds his tears until he’s out of the building. Yoongi calls him a few minutes later and Jimin very nearly breaks down and cries right then and there.

            “Yoonie what can I do? Our little girl looked so sad!”

            “Don’t you worry Jiminie. Your Umma said this will only last a week or two, right?” Jimin can hear a few people moving in the background and figures Yoongi must already be in at work if he even left the studios last night since he’s working on final touches to his album before it releases next week. “It won’t be like this for long Jiminie. One day you’re going to drop her off and she won’t even know you’re gone baby. This phase will fly by. Just hold on baby. It won’t be like this for long.”

            “You always say that hyung!”

            “Of course I do. I’m always right aren’t I?” Jimin can hear Yoongi’s self-satisfied chuckle over the line and it brings a watery smile to his lips. “Hyung misses you Jiminie.”

            “I miss you too hyung. I wish you were here right now but it won’t be like this for long.” Jimin smiles at the phrase that is quickly becoming theirs. He had heard Yoongi say it so often since Chaerin came into their lives that it was now becoming a motto. It was Yoongi’s way of constantly reassuring him that no matter what things will work out one way or another. “Next week you’ll be home again and we can walk her to school together and you can wake up with her at four-thirty when she has nightmares of monsters in her closet.”

            Jimin laughs quietly and Yoongi agrees with him that he will definitely wake up with their little squirt next week so Jimin can get some sleep. “I’ll wake up with her and sit down and eat your incredible cooking instead of crap. I’ll wake up in the morning to your morning breath and stubble and I’ll still be happy to kiss you good morning baby. I’ve got to go though. I love you Jiminie. You know.” Jimin smiles indulgently at that simple phrase. Sometimes when they were too tired Yoongi would simply utter that instead of a long drawn out ramble about life and of course Jimin knew. He always knew.

            “I know hyung. Now get back to work!” Jimin shifts his phone to his other hand as he walks into the dance studios. “Make sure you eat real food tonight, no take out! And go back to the condo instead of sleeping on that tiny couch in the studio! We miss you and we’ll see you when you get home.”


	4. 4

            Jimin was in the middle of teaching when he phone began to ring especially loudly in the room. With his phone on do not disturb it could only mean one thing. Taehyung was placed as a favorite because that way if he called more then one his phone would actually ring. In case of emergencies, this came in handy.

            “Ah, I’m sorry, take a break guys!”

            Jimin hurries over to his cell and answers it right before the call cuts off and he’s almost shocked by the distressed sound of Jungkook’s voice. “Fuck! Finally, hyung! Tae and Chaerin were in an accident. Someone asshole ran a red light and hit them. We’re at the hospital now. Thankfully Chaerin was in her car seat. She’s a little bruised up by Tae broke his arm shielding her from the glass. He’s cut up pretty badly.” Jungkook sounds like he’s a mess and Jimin can already imagine what his little girl is going to look like let alone his best friend.

            “Fuck, I’ll be there in a few okay. I’m leaving work now. Just stay calm aright Kookie?” Jimin can feel his hand shaking and almost doesn’t want to think that it’s true. He truly owed everything to his best friends. “Just- I’ve got to go get Taemin-hyung or Kai-hyung from their rooms but I’ll be there.”

            “Alright hyung. Just be careful getting here, we don’t need you getting hurt too.” Jimin can feel his eyes welling up a bit at the worries tone of Jungkook’s voice and it touches his heart because for a while they had not been on the best of terms. “I’ll be here with Chaerin until you get here alright?”

            “Alright. I’ll be there Jungkook-ah.”

            Jimin hangs up and runs a hand down his face. The boys are looking at him in worry and Jimin immediately notices that one of them was missing. The door opens and Jimin very nearly breaks down in tears when instead of Kai or Taemin, Heechul is standing there worriedly. The boy who is missing comes barreling through the door with Taemin and Kai hot on his heels.

            “Ah, Heechul-hyung!”

            “Jimin-ah, Jiwoo said that something was wrong. Is everything okay?”

            Kai immediately shuts the door and moves toward the boys who were worriedly whispering in the corner. Jimin can tell he’s trying to soothe their worries and get them to leave the room and move to another dance room. Jimin takes the bottle of water that Heechul pulled from his bag and drinks it shakily.

            “Hyung…it’s Tae. He and Chaerin were in an accident.” Full tears come to his eyes and he’s just itching to leave. “Jungkookie said they’re okay but I need to go to the hospital.” Heechul wraps an arm around him tightly and places a set of car keys into his hand. He also pulls Jimin’s bag up off the floor and places the strings in his hand as well.

            “Go, I’ll deal with your boss. You’ve got to go.”

            Jimin nods and dashes out of the room without a second thought. Taemin follows after him with somewhat of a heavy heart. He wasn’t exactly sure why but he had hoped that somewhere in the midst of constantly getting turned away by Jimin for a drink that maybe just maybe Jimin was single and had other priorities as silly as it sounded. Of course, he was straight and had someone in his life. He was successful and made good money. He’d be a catch to anyone.

            “Whatever you’re thinking kid, you’re wrong.” Taemin glances up to see his hyung’s dark eyes taking in his features. “Jimin-ah is a good kid but things are a little difficult for him right now. The closest person second most to his parents just died last year and now he moved here for a job. I won’t go into broad detail but just give him some time, yeah?”

            “Wait he knew him? AgustD then?”

            “Better than anyone else, I’d venture.”


	5. 5

            Jimin was tired. Bone tired. He’d been sitting inside the hospital for hours it seemed and still hadn’t heard a word of response. His hands were clean but his shirt still had a few stains from the blood that he’d wiped there. Yoongi had been in the ER most of the night and he’d been sitting here waiting and unable to get the picture of what he had come home to that night out of his head. Thank-god Chaerin had been spending the night with Jin and Namjoon because he really didn’t need his almost three-year-old daughter seeing her father lying in the living room with his head split open.

            Jimin had done his best with shaky hands to stop the bleeding from where Yoongi had hit the glass coffee table when he fell and called an ambulance with the other hand. It wasn’t until the paramedics got there that the older male began to violently shake and twitch rapidly. Jimin had started sobbing when he heard shouts about a seizure and possible brain hemorrhage.  It had been hours since then and Jimin was petrified. Hobi was sleeping on the chair next to him having passed out a while ago after having a rough day at the studios himself.

            “Park Jimin?” He wonders if he could get whiplash from how quickly his head snapped up upon hearing his name. “We’ve moved him into a room. He’s still in pretty bad condition but he’s stable enough to be in a room in the Intensive Care Unit. He’s awake now. That’s a pretty good start. Would you like to see him now?”

            “Y-yes, please. Um, I’m going to have our friend go home and get some sleep. Am I allowed to stay tonight?” The nurse nods and Jimin quietly walks over to Hoseok and shakes him awake. “Hyung, Yoonie is awake and in the Intensive Care Unit. You can go home now. You need to get some sleep. I’m going to spend the night here with Yoongi-hyung.”

            When that’s finished Jimin quietly follows the nurse up to the right floor and down the hall. It’s much quieter than the last time they had been in the hospital. Yoongi’s appendix had almost burst when they first started dating and they’d been here for most of the night that time too. Yoongi is somewhat awake when Jimin steps into the room. There is a pretty heavy bandage around his head where the cut was and his eyes are still a little out of it but overall, he looks like Jimin’s Yoonie.

            “Hyung.”

            Tears fall steadily down Jimin’s cheeks as he clutches tightly onto his lover’s hand and Yoongi soothingly caresses Jimin’s mused up hair. “Aigo, don’t cry Jiminie. Shh, baby hyungie is okay now. Just a little fall. Please stop crying baby. Where’s Chaerin, not here right?” Jimin cannot help but sob even harder at hearing his boyfriend’s voice. Yoongi just patiently runs his fingers through Jimin’s hair and waits until the younger cries himself out.

            “She’s with Jin-hyung and Joonie-hyung still. I didn’t pick her up. I came right here and Hoseok-hyung called them for me.” Yoongi nods quietly and wipes away a few straw tears before smiling his cute gummy little smile at Jimin. It felt reassuring to see it despite the horrible circumstances. “Do they know what happened hyung? Are you going to be okay?”

            “Define okay, baby?”

            “Like healthy. Are you going to make it out of this hospital stupid hyung! Are you going to live long enough that we can legally get married instead of hiding away our stupid relationship behind a friendship.”

            There is silence after that and it scares Jimin. “Yah, it won’t be like this for long Jiminie. Soon enough hyungie is going to be back to his cheesy self. Don’t you worry your cute little self one bit over hyung alright!”  Jimin nods and leans in to press a chaste kiss to Yoongi’s lips before tightening his hold on the older man’s hand.


	6. 6

            Chaerin was a bit bruised but she was perfectly happy to see him when he arrived at the hospital. Tae was in the process of being discharged with a cast on his arm and a few bandages here and there but he looked okay too if his signature boxy smile was anything to go by. Jimin was so happy to see both of them okay that he had broken down into tears. Now though, Jimin was sitting quietly inside the studio with Chaerin running around looking at herself in the mirror. With Taehyung out of commission and Heechul working his magic over Jimin’s boss, Jimin was allowed to bring Chaerin into work with him until Taehyung was better.

            After the worried looks on his boy’s faces the other night Jimin felt that he at least owed it to the young boys to introduce them to the most important person in his life. “Do you want to be a dancer baby?” Chaerin looks over at Jimin and pouts for a moment before nodding shyly and then staring back at herself in the mirror.

            “I wanna talk wike appa.”

            Jimin laughs at that picturing his little girl up on stage tossing out raps. It was appealing but also one of the first times he had heard the little girl speak about Yoongi since they moved here. “Ah, that would be nice baby. Daddy would like to see that someday but you’ve got to work really hard okay?” The little girl nods and holds her pinky out to Jimin for a pinky promise just as the door opens and the boys tumble in loudly. Chaerin turns her eyes toward the boys who all stop and stare at her as she glares at them.

            “Aish, daddy dey so loud! Why dey all boys?” 

            Jimin laughs loudly as the boys stare at his fierce little girl in surprise especially after she calls him daddy. “Chaerin-ah be nice. Boys this is my daughter Min Chaerin. She’ll be joining us occasionally for the next few weeks unless Heechul-hyung steals her away.” At the name of one of her favorite uncles the little girl instantly smiles a bright gummy smile.

            “I like Uca Hee. He’s pwetty like dat boy.”

            Chaerin point over toward the visual of the group who blushes a furious shade of red before ducking his head at the teasing of the other boys. “Now, now Chaerin no flirting with someone in front of daddy. You know you can’t date until you’re thirty.” Jimin smiles slightly when the little girl sits down daintily on his lap.

            “Alright! Shall we begin with stretches and then a slow warm-up run through and then we can work on a breakdown and a full run through before lunch. Does that sound like a plan?” The boys get to work quickly after that occasionally giggling at Chaerin trying to copy their moves but stumbling a bit here and there. When lunch rolls around the boys choose to eat in the dance room to play around with Chaerin giving Jimin a minute or two to himself. He quietly dials a number he hadn’t in a while. A soothing voice carries over the line.

            “Jimin-ah!!!!!”

            “Hiya hyung. Sorry for not calling you sooner.” Jimin tightens his hand around the phone slightly knowing that they didn’t have a whole lot of time to talk. Hoseok was on lunch break like him. “I just- I know you probably heard about Tae and Chaerin’s accident. I just wanted to update you guys and let you know that things are alright on our end. You- You should come up to visit sometime, yeah? You and Joonie-hyung, and Jin-hyung.”

            “Ah, thanks, Jimin-ah. Hyung is glad to hear the little doll is alright. I was worried about her- about you both actually. Jin-hyung wanted to drive up as soon as he heard.”

            Jimin rubs idly at the back of his head and glances across the room at the mirror when the boys were trying to teach Chaerin a few dance moves. “We’re okay hyung. We’re slowly settling in…things are still a little touch and go here and there without hyung but it’s getting easier.” Jimin smiles at the sigh of relief from the other side of the phone. “Hey hyung my lunch is almost over. Seriously come up and visit sometime- you know you’re always welcome and we have a guest room now so- you know- you’re always welcome. Bye-bye Hobi-hyung!”

            Jimin hangs up, his chest feeling a little lighter after speaking to his hyung, and promises himself to call and talk to Namjoon and Seokjin when he gets off work tonight.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating anything for a really long time. Many of my stories were progressing really well into their next chapters especially this and Press Your Number but as a shawol I couldn't bring myself to write for the past few weeks. I won't go into much detail in respect for people who are still grieving but I needed to give myself a break from everything for the beginning of the year. I'm still grieving and I'm trying to get back into a normal schedule of sorts so please bear with me. 
> 
> Also fair warning this chapter and update is a bit sad and it hurt me to write it. It talks about death and the loss of a loved one and their wishes for the future without them. Please don't read if you're easily upset by things like this. 
> 
> Most importantly:  
> Stay happy, stay healthy, and stay strong for those of you struggling no matter what those struggled may be. I can tell you from experience even in the darkest of times we can find the light and make tomorrow a better day. Small steps first and the big leaps will come with time. There is someone who cares for you no matter how alone you feel.

            A brain tumor. It was terrifying when they heard the diagnosis and Yoongi had cried nearly as much as Jimin.  Yoongi had sobbed desperately begging that he’d just get to live the rest of his days with Jimin. He cursed every god and every religion he could think of and cursed the fates for bringing something so terrible on him when he was finally figuring things out. Jimin could only hold him close and silently cry into his hair trying desperately to imprint his scent into his brain. Four months…six at the most and that would only be if Yoongi really fought for it. The tumor was too large to operate and too advanced for anything else. Most would just prolong the pain and suffering of everyone involved.

            “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry.” Yoongi just kept repeating the slow flow of words and he wanted nothing more than to hold his hyung tighter and tell him that everything would be okay but it really wasn’t. One day decades before he ever thought he’d have to think it…he’ll be living without Yoongi standing at his side. Jimin wondered if he’d be able to tell Chaerin at the end of the day. He wondered if he’d be able to take care of her all on his own. He’ll he wondered if being her legal guardian without Yoongi was really the right choice at all anymore.  “Please say something. Baby please.”

            “It won’t be like this for long hyung…so let’s treasure every minute we have. I-I’ll call the studio and request time off. We’ll spend our days together as a family and finish your last album if we can. If we can’t I promise I’ll finish the rest of it for you. I just…you know.”

            “I know.”

            Yoongi had been cleared to leave a few days later and Jimin had been given extensive instructions on how to care for his recovering lover. They had used the term recovering but Yoongi had despairingly called himself decaying. Jimin had almost hit him for the remark but held back for fear of causing him more pain. That night as they lay in bed Jimin tried desperately to hold himself back. Chaerin was still at Jin and Namjoon’s giving the couple one last night to themselves where they could figure out how to explain things properly to their growing girl.

            “Baby, please.”

            Yoongi drops his head against Jimin’s shoulder in desperation. Jimin had been denying him for nearly fifteen minutes cutting off all pursuits. “Just- just let me do this for you while I still can. Let me love you like this until I can’t anymore. I- I don’t want to regret not being able to touch you now when touching you will feel impossible.”

            There were tears budding in dark cat-like eyes that held impossible fear and pain. Jimin couldn’t help but give in. His fingers shook when he brushed them throw his lover’s hair. Yoongi didn’t comment on it because his hands were shaking just as much as he reached for Jimin ankle to press a lingering kiss to the skin revealed there. If a few of Yoongi’s tears rolled down Jimin’s neck where Yoongi hid his face as they grew closer to completion he didn’t dare mention it because he was sure Yoongi could feel the same wetness dripping into his hair.

            “I’ll always be here baby. No matter if it’s physical or not. You’ll always have the most important part of me…my heart.” Jimin nods softly and pressed a kiss to the shaven side of Yoongi’s head of blonde hair. “Baby…I’ve been thinking. On this album whether we release it or not...before- well you know- I want to tell the world about you and Chaerin. I want all my fans to know that there was someone here with me. That someone loved me and that I loved someone else in return. I don’t want to you to be alone and I don’t want the fans to feel alone either. If you’d prefer…well if you don’t want to I’d understand but…”

            Jimin drops his head to the side and pressed a lingering kiss on the tip of a small studded ear. Jimin wanted to make it his mission to kiss every single patch of skin that is on his lover body and commit them to memory. “Okay. Whatever you want hyung. Anything. If that’s your last gift to us then I won’t stop you from expressing yourself fully to everyone.” Yoongi nods against his neck. A small, soft kiss lands on the sensitive spot of his neck near his ear and Jimin shudders lightly under Yoongi.

            “Jiminie…can hyung ask you one more thing?” Jimin hums softly in the affirmative and tightens his hold around his hyung. Anything Yoongi asked of him he’d try to do to honor the older man. Anything. “When I‘m gone don’t spend the rest of your life alone. Find someone who loved you as much as I do and let them love you. I won’t begrudge you love because I left too soon. Please fall in love again.” _Anything except for that_.


	8. 8

            Taemin frowns softly in confusion when the trainees are giggling excitedly as they pass him wondering aloud if Jimin-hyung would be bringing his daughter to work again today. _Daughter_. The word stops him in his tracks and they glance at him in surprise when they pass by him. His entire world narrowed on that one word. If Jimin had a daughter then wouldn’t that mean he was straight? Wouldn’t that mean he had a wife or at the very least a girlfriend? Perhaps everything he had been quietly hoping to happen the past few months was absolutely futile, to begin with. He was trying to play a game with someone who did not play for the same team.

            The idea bothered him almost the entirety of the day. It rubbed at his mind no matter how many times he tried to banish the thoughts away they still came back with a vengeance. He wanted to scream. He was almost to the point of screaming when Kai pushed open the door of the room he had just recently vacated of trainees.

            “Everything alright?” Kai had dyed his hair back to silken ebony color at the insistence of Kyungsoo. The slightly older boy had been worried about his lover’s hair with how often the pair of them dyed their hair. So kai has dyed it back to natural black to placate his lover and let his hair grow naturally to strengthen. “The trainees that passed by said you were harsher than normal.”

            “Just stressed. You know how it is.”

            “Yeah. I do.” Kai levels him with a long look. Taemin and Jongin, Kai’s real name, had been friends since they were first entering school. Kai had earned his nickname when he trained for an agency and almost debuted before deciding that he preferred to be behind the scenes choreographing. That one look held so much more meaning that anyone else could ever understand. “Minie asked if we could stop by his room for a little tonight. He wants to talk to us.”

            Taemin nods and gathers his things knowing that he needed this closure. They walk leisurely toward the studio around the corner chatting about the progress of their groups and the closer they get the more they can hear high pitched giggling laughter that floats around the halls. They can vaguely make out their hyung, Heechul, talking in his quiet drawl before they even open the doors.

            When the doors swing open and they step inside they see Jimin sitting back against a mirrored wall and Heechul is sitting opposite him, actually sitting on the floors of a dance studio, with a beautiful little girl sitting in his lap. They were playing a game with their hands and the little girl kept telling Heechul that he lost and Heechul argued endlessly that he had in fact won and she was cheating.

            “Chaerin-ah, daddy has to talk to some friends but Uncle Heechul said he has some pretty dresses that he wants you to pick from for the showcase. Why don’t you go up with him and Daddy will come up to see your final choice?” Jimin says all of this with an unwavering loving smile. The little girl is gorgeous but Taemin notices that she looks nothing like her parent.

            She had pretty dark hair that slightly curled around her ears. Her eyes were dark and sleepily rounded to look almost cat-like. Her smile was large and gummy and it made her eyes squeeze shut adorable. But when she answered her dad there was a serious little pout to her uneven lips that was heartachingly cute. She looked nothing like Jimin.

            “Daddy, we still goin’ to Tata’s house tonigh’ right? Kookie’s home.”

            “Of course, baby. We wouldn’t miss Uncle Kookie’s party for the world.”

            The little girl ponders her dad for a long moment before jumping up and tugging on Heechul’s hand babbling a mile a minute about pretty dresses and that there better be red ones. Their hyung doesn’t offer them a goodbye as he’s pulled out of the room by the excited little girl.

            “Daddy?”

            Jimin’s cheeks burn bright red at Kai’s playful question and he rubs at the back of his neck only to busy himself with collecting the last of his things. “Yeah. Sorry. You know- for not telling you both sooner. That why I could never go out with you guys. She was with Taehyung all the time so…” Jimin shrugs softly trying not to sound too guilty but knowing he was probably failing.

            “So, who’s her mother?”

            “You know I never asked.”

            “You don’t know the mother or your own child?”

            Kai laughs softly and Taemin watches as surprise flashes across his features. Something didn’t seem to be making sense or matching up with this entire situation. Taemin was suddenly very confused.

            “Well…no. I never really thought to ask her appa who the woman was.”

            “What?” Kai stops chuckle to stare in confusion at Jimin’s back. “But you’re her dad.”

            “Exactly. I’m not her appa though. It’s complicated.”

            Kai shares a look with Taemin and then turns his gaze back to Jimin who was finally facing them properly. “Then explain it.” Jimin sighs and drops back down to the ground and stares at them expectantly.

            “Chaerin is my hyung’s daughter. Her mother found out from his company where he lived and just left her at our- at his door. I’m her godfather.” Jimin rubs once again at the back of his neck as a sadness drenches his entire being. “Her dad never said anything about her…he wanted her to live a normal life. You know- go to school. Be able to go out in public without the fear of being followed and bothered.”

            “What happened to her dad.”

            Taemin finally feels everything click into place. Hat small slip up only cemented something with what Heechul told him. “Her dad is Min Yoongi. Isn’t it?” Jimin nods softly at that and Taemin can practically see the gears turning in Kai’s head at the new information.

            “Yes.”

            “Were you two- um- were you two a thing or…”

            “Yeah, we were.”

            Kai nods softly and reaches out to hesitantly hold onto Jimin’s shaking hands as droplets of water tip over his lashes and drop to the floor. “I’m so sorry Minie. We’ve probably made things so much harder for you giving you the trainees and the debuting group.” Jimin shakes his head rapidly and pats Kai’s hand softly.

            “No, no. Actually, you-you were the first people to treat me like I wasn’t going to break. Like I wasn’t going to fuck up and spiral out of control.” Jimin reaches out and squeezes Taemin’s hand with his free one. “I- after Yoongi-hyung passed away I was in a really bad place. My hyung even threatened to take Chaerin-ah away from me if I didn’t get my shit together. But I just watched someone who I loved dearly…who I spent more than half of my life being friends with and relying on die. Then Heechul-hyung offered to find me work here and move me up to Seoul. He gave us a place to stay until I got on my feet enough to find an apartment for the two of us. The others…well they weren’t happy but they let me leave. Tae was the only one who didn’t try to make me do things his way. He helped me out and we got back on our feet. I just- I felt that I should at least let you two know.”

           


	9. 9

The house was insanely quiet. Too quiet if you asked Jimin. His eyes burned with the urge to shed more tears but he couldn’t possibly cry any more than he had been the last few months. Each time he stepped inside his home it felt like he was anticipating walking in on Yoongi taking his last breaths. Every time the thought pierced his heart and shattered it all over again. There were soft giggles coming from the guest room where Yoongi had been placed after it got too hard to share the same bed without Yoongi getting jostled or sick.

Chaerin is sitting beside Yoongi who is actually sitting up in bed today and watching her rant and rave about something that happened at school. Jin is sitting across from them reading a book since Yoongi could no longer take care of Chaerin by himself. Jimin had just run out to get groceries but every second he left Yoongi’s side hurt more than he ever thought possible. 

“Ah! Look Daddy’s back! Why don’t you tell Daddy what you did at school today?” Yoongi smiles tiredly over at Jimin. The look is so filled with love and devotion that Jimin tried his hardest to choke back tears that are verging on falling down his face. “Appa is feeling a little sleepy baby.” 

“Are you alright, Yoonie? Do you need anything or are you just tired?” 

Yoongi nods and hides a yawn behind his hand. Chaerin watches every one of Yoongi’s motions with hawk eyes. For how young she was, Chaerin was very perceptive. She knew that Yoongi was sick and that he was getting worse and worse with each passing day. 

“It’s okay Appa. Chaerin is tired too…let’s nap together.” 

Yoongi smiles his gummy smile sleepily at his daughter before wrapping her in a tight hug as Chaerin lies down quietly beside Yoongi. There were tears welling in Jimin’s eyes and he turns his head away as Seokjin stands and presses a supportive hand on his shoulder. 

“Why don’t I make us some tea while they nap?” 

Jimin nods silently in favor of answering and allows Seokjin to pass him by. After Seokjin leaves the room Jimin takes the three steps to Yoongi’s bedside and watches as dark black cat-eyes blink open slowly to stare up at him knowingly. Thinner than normal fingers reach up shakily to rub a tear off of Jimin’s cheek and Yoongi’s hands which had always been warm on his skin are like ice-cubes. 

“Don’t cry, baby.” Jimin stifles a sob at the last minute to try and not wake Chaerin who was now sleeping peacefully. “I don’t want you to cry for me anymore. You know that right baby?” 

“I know…I know- I just…” Jimin wipes hastily at his eyes with the back of his hand and catches Yoongi’s shaking hand in his opposite. Slowly the bony appendage warms up, held tightly in Jimin’s grasp. “I know it won’t be like this for long hyung. We’ve already been so- so blessed by having six months together already. I just don’t know how I’m going to live when our time is finally up.”

“Oh, baby.” Yoongi sighs quietly his voice growing tired despite having woken up not but an hour or so ago. “I’m sorry but you’re going to. You’re going to keep on living if not for yourself than for me and Chaerinnie. She’s going to need her Appa more than ever before. You two will be alright without me. I promise.” 

“Yoongi I don’t know if that’s true. I’m petrified to live without you. I’m so scared that tomorrow I’m going to wake up and our time will finally run out and I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.” Jimin was whispering in a rush trying desperately not to wake up their sleeping child. “You’re a part of me…and it feels like if I lose you then I’ll lose myself too."

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry you’re going to be alone with the world on your shoulders. I’m sorry that I can’t stay longer than I’m able too.” Yoongi squeezes Jimin’s hand tighter than he had been able to in weeks and Jimin doesn’t know whether to be hopeful that it means he still has tomorrow or if it’s a sign that today is the end. “But when that day comes you’re going to wake up and you’re going to get dressed in the suit that hugs your ass because you know I would have liked you in that best. You’re going to dress Chaerin in the pinkest dress you can find because even if I despise the color she’s our princess and you’re going to be alright. Do you hear me? You’re the strongest fucking man I’ve ever known. Now come here so I can hold you both properly.”

Jimin climbs carefully into the bed and presses his nose deep into Yoongi’s neck inhaling his scent like he has every time they’ve laid together since getting the awful news. With each breath he takes and each gentle caress of Yoongi’s hands on his head Jimin can feel his eyelids fluttering closed and sleep overtaking his mind. 

Ten minutes later Seokjin walks down the half with the phone pressed to his ear talking quietly with Namjoon who had just gotten off of work. “No, he’s been okay today; Weak but alright. Minnie is struggling with everything. I can tell he’s struggling but he won’t tell anyone and it worries me Joonie. You know how he is.” Namjoon hums quietly as Seokjin pushed open the half-shut door of Yoongi’s room. Yoongi is holding both Chaerin and Jimin tight to his chest and staring down at them with tears in his dark eyes. He’s so lost in his own thoughts Seokjin isn’t sure if he realizes that Seokjin is still there. As the tears start to crest of his dark lashes and fall down his hollowed cheeks, Seokjin backs out of the room and closes the door. 

“Jin-hyung, I know it’s hard. It’s been hard on all of us probably Jiminie the most if we're being honest. He’s not only losing his best friends and his lover but he knows that when the time comes he’ll have to be the only parental support for a small child.” Namjoon whispers quietly across the line finally. They were all a mess, truth be told. Losing Yoongi was going to take a huge chunk out of all of them and Namjoon had the sinking feeling that none of them were ever going to fully recover from the loss. “The most we can do is be there for Jiminie when it does happen. We can’t protect him from this but we can sure as hell be there to help pick him back up and put him back together.” 

“I guess you’re right Joonie.” Seokjin sighs softly and gathers his things. “I’m going to head home now. I’ll see you when I get there. I think it would be best if, just for tonight, they spend whatever time they have together as a family.” 

“Yeah, maybe that’s for the best hyung.” 

“Alright Joonie, I’ll see you soon. I-I love you.”

“I love you too baby.” Seokjin moves very slightly to disconnect the call but stops when Namjoon speaks again. “And baby, we’ll make it through this somehow. I promise.” 

“I hope so Joonie. I really hope so.”


End file.
